Friday, August 17, 2012

How does GMail do it?

Do you use GMail?  I have been using it for many years now.  When I first started out, I think they offered 2.5 GB of space.  When you look at the page (while not logged in), the number under "Lots of space" keeps going up.  Right now, I have 10GB of space (with about 1GB in use), after what, 8 years or so of use?

So that brings to mind the question, "How do they do it?"  How do they have ever-increasing space?  Ever since I first saw it, I envisioned people sitting in a data center dripping sweat while endlessly popping new disk drives into storage arrays.  "So, what do you do for work?"  "I install disk drives in GMail drive arrays."  "Oh....interesting."

According to Yahoo Answers (who knows more, Yahoo or Google?), there is some formula on quotas that adds more storage the longer you are a member.  However, when I log out, and Google "doesn't know who I am," it still shows 10GB now (2.5 GB when I first started).

However, this blog's roving reporters have uncovered the truth.  We expose it here, first.

What is really happening here?

As you may suspect, Google is making money off the free e-mail by placing "unobtrusive" contextual advertising on the right-hand-side.  (In plain English, GMail looks for key words in your e-mails as you read them, and displays relevant ads.)  So as an incentive to have eyes to broadcast to, they offer ever-increasing storage.  For advertisers, they bill per impression (or per 1,000 impressions), so the more impressions they make, the more money they make.  Enticing users to log in gives them a captive market - unless, of course, you are using a mail client and downloading the mail to your hard drive.  But then you don't get to take advantage of the ever-increasing storage available to you, nor the live cloud mail across web and devices (like my iPhone).

Using our advanced covert techniques and spy gear, we have uncovered a conspiracy between the mobile device providers (Apple, Microsoft, Samsung, Blackberry, HTC, and others), and Google.  Enlisting the help of a highly advanced race of beings from a distant planet in the Horsehead Nebula, they have concocted a plan to take over the world one bit at a time (or one person at a time), and install Skynet to track and control each and every one of us.  Their long-term plan is for Skynet to start building robots that kill people, to clear the planet for them to move here.  Their home planet is tearing itself apart, but because of Earth's higher gravity, our race is stronger than them and has super powers compared to them, so they need to wipe us out first.

First they need money, lots of money.  As you can see this is backed by the biggest companies on the planet.  What's in it for them?  A cut.  The Forgned (the closest spelling of the alien race) have offered these companies a split of 10% of the profits - while retaining 90% for themselves.  Once they have accumulated enough wealth, they will be able to purchase enough industrial production to create a stable wormhole generator, warp to our planet, and take over the solar system.

We are 80% certain this is the case.  Either that, or we have been watching too much Stargate SG-1, Doctor Who, and Battlefield Earth.

Do the Earth a favor!  Don't use GMail web as your e-mail access!  Access GMail from your mobile device, or from a mail client on your computer!  This may be the only chance to save Earth from the impending alien invasion.  They are still years away from getting enough money, and building the gate.

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